A Couple of Corpulent Crimelords! [Evan Black]

Star Wars Artists' Guild

Hello, SWAGgers!

I come to you with a request of your awesomeness. You see, I have here a couple of crimelords: one male, one female, both human, both grotesquely obese, and... married. :D

It's like this: Obar and Seema Mull got along fine, working together in crime, until their biggest payout ever: an old, derelict Venator-class Star Destroyer. They christened the immobile vessel Mull Station and opened it up as a shadowport to all manner of criminals and smugglers to ply their trade. But along the way, the pair grew so enraged with one another that they had their crews paint a great, black line down the length of the ship, and now each Mull holds court in their own respective bridge, each has their own fighter compliment (red-painted for Obar, blue-painted for Seema), and their own goons in old clone trooper armour (painted like the fighters). Visitors to the station must choose who they would like to be aligned with, and if they subsequently visit the wrong side of the station, they're in big fat trouble.

So if you're up to it, I would love to see a picture of these two! Obar (the male) is fat, bald, and jovial, but can turn to anger in an instant. Seema (the female) is fat, not bald (brunette, maybe?), and angry... but can turn to momentary joy in an instant! Both of them wear far less clothing than is appropriate in polite society - as if daring anyone to suggest they get more properly dressed. Seriously, we're talking about some meager drapes of gold fabric, some jewelry, and that's it.

As a background, it might be fun to have some clone troopers (Episode II syle; sloppily red-painted for Obar, and sloppily blue-painted for Seema), but this is entirely up to you!

So if any of you guys would like to have a go at this, I would be totally thrilled! Here's a bit of fiction involving Obar Mull, to whet the appetite:


"Inex Jonn!" Obar Mull boomed, raising his great, flabby arms outward toward the Sakiyan and his companions. "Here you are again, at last!"

Inex bowed deeply on Mull Station's portside bridge, while all the other shady types present craned their necks to see who had so captured their host's attention.

"It is a pleasure to be back," the Sakiyan announced. "And with such good news," he added, raising the case he carried slightly.

Obar Mull's eyes lit at the sight of the case, his fingers dancing in anticipation. The crimelord was corpulent, bald, rosy-cheeked, sweaty, and wore more gold than Fi had ever seen one human carry. Around his great form the man wore a drape of loose-fitting elegant gold fabric, and little else.

"You've come through again, my friend," he cheered. "And you will be rewarded, just as we discussed!"

Inex simply smiled and nodded at the news.

"And look," Obar went on, "you have your trio of luscious girls with you!" He eyed The Luminous Three admiringly. "Why, if I were twenty years younger... or two-hundred pounds lighter!"

"Or single!" Amra teased him with a smile.

"Gah!" Obar spat in good-natured distaste. "Don't remind me!"

"How is the 'little woman'?" Inex inquired.

"The 'little woman'," Obar boomed, "is a force pike in my side, as usual. Did you know," he enquired, "that a new trader, a rare food trader, has affiliated himself with that wretched woman?" He scowled at the vessel/station's starboard bridge, visible out the towering windows to his right.

"Now, all of her people are eating rare, precious delicacies, while all of my people," he waved a hand, indicating the rest of the crowd, "are crying because they're eating rations and recycled slop."

"Perhaps something should be done," Inex volunteered.

Obar looked at him slyly, licking his lips. "Perhaps something should."

"You have a name?"

"I'm told his name is Roggo," Obar muttered, before discovering the Sakiyan's fourth companion. "Wait a minute, you have a new friend!"

Fiola was startled as all eyes turned toward her, and she looked to Inex for instruction. The Sakiyan simply nodded slightly, suggesting she introduce herself. Fi thought about using her slapdash pseudonym, but knew instinctively that Obar Mull would not be fooled.

"Sir," she said, stepping forward, "My name is Fiola Shaku, and it's a pleasure to meet you."

Obar eyed her wisely. "Indeed you are, Ms. Shaku, as my agents have told me. And now you may relax, for you are safe from the Empire here on Mull Station."

Fi tried not to show her surprise. "Thank you... my Lord."

"The blaster hidden in your jacket however," Obar continued, "is troublesome. Someone get this girl a proper holster!" he commanded, and several in the crowd rushed to comply.

"Come here," the sweaty fat man commanded her, and Fi did as told. Obar leaned in toward her, scrutinizing her closely. "I am told you are a musician of some repute... this is correct?"

Fi thought, grinned. "How'd you like to find out?"

Obar Mull's eyes flashed, and he barked laughter, which shook his giant frame. "Excellent! Make your preparations... we shall have music! And dancing!"


Not to be picky, but I don't see anywhere what species your crime lords are... did I miss it?

I. J. Thompson

WOO! A year later... claimed! And by one of my favourite artists! Let this be an inspiration to other SWAG requesters! :)